A client this morning, inauguration day, told me she felt like no one was in charge. Like bad guys are just going to run the country now and no one is leading the opposition to hatred and greed.

If you too feel triggered, and even if you don't, may I recommend community? It won't solve everything but it's pretty powerful. The following ideas come from outgoing Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murthy's Parting Prescription for America.
He has done more research than most into what leads directly to wellness outcomes. It's not a paleolithic diet or 30 minutes of cardio a day or making as much money as possible. (Surprise!)
It's being active in a community.
He defines it as "where we know each other, help each other, and find purpose in contributing to each other’s lives."
(Boldness mine.)
This is hard to tap into if you're stuck in a hamster wheel of only improving your or your family's lot. It does require some bravery, and some faith. You have to feel that you're going to be OK even if you pause striving for wealth or visibility. If you grew up with neglect (cough, cough: Trump) or trauma and continue to live in fear, eschewing therapy (or any other way of healing), this won't be accessible to you.
If you have a lot of social anxiety, this will feel challenging to you.
If you carry a lot of misplaced guilt, this may feel like an obsession to you.
Dr. Murthy asserts that America's "pendulum of self-reliance has swung so far to one end that needing others is seen as a sign of weakness, leading to a vicious cycle of stress, isolation, and more stress."
But our need to be in groups is biological. It's dumb to pretend we are automatons.
When we become isolated, it's painful. We try to distract from the pain, self soothe with intoxication and distraction. We are susceptible to "voices that surround us seeking to profit from our division and despair by weaponizing our pain."
AHEM. This is what happened in the last election.
(ahem, mine.)
Dr Murthy asserts that community is comprised of three components :
relationships, service, and purpose.
When "we feel seen and we can be ourselves" in healthy relationships, we don't have to put effort into proving our worth. It's like a family with secure attachments. It's a secure base to return to. Home isn't always the house you grew up in.
But how do we build these relationships? Dr Murthy points out "We move around much more, which often means we leave our communities behind." I sure did. I don't regret leaving Illinois but I am often jealous of New Yorkers and New Jerseyans around me who still hang out with grade school friends or whose same childhood rabbi performed their kid's bat mitzvah. These people seem to have very little "free" time but also are always connected. So, stay put longer...maybe? But also join things. Show up consistently at old fashioned recreational leagues, service organizations, neighborhood associations, and faith institutions. Strike up conversations. (My anecdotal evidence demonstrates that New Jersey is one of the hardest places to receive a warm reception as a newcomer, but if this introvert can finally get in a gang in the competitive suburbs after a couple years, so can you. Find other newcomers if you can.)
We need to re-learn how to have open, generous dialogue. We need to commit to "to make social connection a priority and the courage to be vulnerable and real with each other."
Ooof, Dr Murthy. You might have just lost some people. Where do they find that courage?? Sitting on the couch looking at social media curating the slideshows of our lives is so much easier.
Yeah, but how does it make you feel? Experiment with joining a bowling league instead and see which one brings you more energy and satisfaction. One is a lot more fun to talk about at the water cooler or PT facility too. So practice. Drink a little extra coffee, put on your favorite witty t-shirt and get out there.

Reach out to someone each day and check on them. Get that little hit of dopamine that comes with connection. Set up places that foster connection and teach kids how to. It's not intuitive for everyone.
Service to those around us is a pillar of community too. In addition to building communication skills and improving health outcomes(!), sustained service efforts improve brain function and keep us connected. "At a time when so many people feel like they don’t matter, service also reminds us we have value we bring to the world."
Lastly, purpose is part of building community. When you know your "why", you can prioritize and make clearer decisions. People with a strong sense of purpose may experience lower levels of depression and anxiety and greater resilience in the face of stress. We need that, right?
I have met and worked with some people with depression or social anxiety who might say to themselves "Welp. I don't have community or any clear sense of purpose. I guess I'm left out of this prescription." Welp, no. It's work. It's not an inheritance. And I know all too well how little stamina you have when you're depressed. So ask someone for guidance- someone who's already woven in to a group or several- how do I get started? They may have once felt useless and alone too. Read biographies, histories of unlikely people becoming moored. Look at what's needed and just do something. Commune.
Comments