SHy girls, a call for papers

Shy girls, I need to hear from you.

Shy girls, you are women now,

you see and hear and think it all and are formulating stealthily brilliant ideas that can be solutions to old problems.

...

You can write me a little note because I know you don't want to call and I won't answer the phone anyway. (Do you know that there are people who VOLUNTARILY talk on the phone to friends and family for HOURS each week? There are) But let's talk because not only am I desperately curious to hear what makes you tick, the world needs your brain.

I too have PTSD from those hideous teachers who had talking for talking's sake as a requirement in grade school- oh and also GRAD school- because you needed a participation grade. Say some words out loud on a regular basis even though you don't learn that way and have nothing in your head in this loud stupid classroom except how loud and performative it is. Join other novices in talking about themselves and their opinions of much accomplished and vetted and published geniuses. Who cares if it's repetitive? You must talk!

When were you first told you were shy? Did it sound like a cool thing or an awkward deformity that would be tolerated in certain circumstances?

Labeling a kid "shy" bypasses any curiosity about what's going on with them. Are they quiet at school because they can't read the letters on the board? Are they hesitant to meet new neighbors because they've had no practice getting to know kids who were born somewhere else? Are they stuck in their rooms because drawing in their sketchbook feels so much more meaningful than running across a soccer field? Are they smiling and blending because in their chaotic family they've learned there's no room to be otherwise?

Books will never talk over you.

Lots of times "shy" means introvert. Introverts are different than kids with social anxiety*, different from kids with shame or the puzzle of a dysfunctional parent to be solved. Introverts are not tormented by their lack of social skills, they just really enjoy focusing- one person, one book, one sense at a time. Sometimes we're overstimulated by too much sensory input at once.

Introverts are magnetized by researching ideas and making cool stuff and figuring stuff out in quiet spaces.

*The other kids ("shy" subgroup B) need support- but it's convenient to call them shy and let their needs wait quietly- they're not going to make a ruckus. They wait and wait and solve problems in their own ways with whatever resources they can find.

They have had more time to think, throughout their lives, while everyone else is talking. We could use their ideas. We could use your ideas, shy girl.

Marcia. Robin. Sheryl. Christy.

You on the couch or on the bus seat or with the baby on your hip. Alone.

When I feel angry or panicky about the state of the country and tired of hearing the same old loudmouths blast their well-rehearsed talking points and threats over press conferences and talk shows, I feel more and more sure that it is the introverts and the grown up shy kids who can save us. They've been through some shit and have some thoughts. It is an avoidable tragedy that brilliant solutions to the climate crisis, political manipulation, racist policing, mass shootings and screen-zombie kids are out there unsaid because shy girls, now adults, don't know how to speak up.

Many quiet girls may not be aware of their genius. They don't know that their ideas are worth just as much or more than others. Some know but think it's a lost cause. I have found that there are ways to communicate -loudly, subtly or poetically- that can be life-changing when we find them. There is more than just running for office, (though DO IT if you can, ) or being a CEO of a corporation, more ways to participate with your brilliance.

In therapy, my clients get to know their particular voices - what they're informed by and what they're desperate to speak. I provide space and amplification so you can find your voice.